The tallest candle stick ain’t much good without a wick. February 24, 2009

I know that you’re probably tired of hearing me talk about this topic, but I’m hoping that if I start here I’ll end up somewhere else.

 

It still really hasn’t hit me that we’re getting married in a month.  Every year, months before, I get so excited about Bible camp.  I get the ache in my stomach and can hardly sleep on the nights I lay in bed and let my mind wander to good old Mitchell, IN.  I really thought getting married would work this way too.  I lay in bed at night and I think about walking down the aisle and looking at the smiling faces of all our friends and family and to reach the end and see a smile on Craig’s face that lights up the room.  (Ok, that or a look of sheer horror )  I try to think about what it will be like when my dad takes off my blusher and we stand there and listen to what Gilbert has to say about our covenant.  But I just haven’t gotten excited yet.  Really excited.  I feel as though the wedding is still something that’s just not a reality.  I have a groom, I have a dress, I have a reception hall, I have 350 little bottles of bubbles….but I don’t have a reality.  I still have a thousand tiny things to get done between now and April 4^th, but I just keep putting them off, because in my mind the wedding is not yet a reality.

 

And there it is…I started there and I’m going to go here…

 

Isn’t that so much like our feeling of Christ?  It’s been 2000+ years now and isn’t that how I feel about Him too?  His reality is just not something that feels real to me most days.  Is He really ever going to come?  I mean, logically I know the answer is yes.  But I don’t think my heart knows that.  Just like the wedding, logically I know that on April 4^th I’m going to wake up Courtney Buss and go to bed Courtney Hodges.  But my heart hasn’t figured that out yet, at least not enough to get really excited. 

 

Sometimes I like to let my brain wonder off and imagine that I am a part of the early church.  I bet they were expecting every day for Him to come back.  They must have had such a great sense of urgency about them.  It probably made it easier to give all they had financially to one another and to the poor.  It probably made it easier to give all the spiritual gifts they were given to the advancement of their group.  Because they felt these things were immediate necessities.  I absolutely love the musical Godspell.  The idea of being a Jesus hippie is very appealing to me some days because it feels in the moment.  I spend too much time trying to strategically come up with ways of advancing the kingdom (not that this is altogether bad).  I need to get more excited about the everyday opportunities I have that show me the reality of Jesus first hand.  Why don’t I wake up in the morning excited about the day’s possibilities for kingdom growth and Jesus encounters?  I think my life would be so much more worth while that way.  Wouldn’t it be great to get as excited about encountering Jesus as we do about other fun and important things like Bible Camp and weddings (not to say we don’t encounter Him there as well, but you know what I’m saying…)?  And wouldn’t it be great if we lived life more in a way that Jesus is a reality as opposed to feeling like He’s just a nice thought?  I need to stop procrastinating Jesus.  Afterall, the tallest candle stick ain’t much good without a wick.  (That’s a Godspell quote for those of us that’s aren’t musical theatre savvy. )

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times… February 4, 2009

Has there ever been a time in your life when things are so sunny that you almost feel guilty enjoying it because the world around you seems to be falling apart?

 

Craig and I are getting married in two months.  TWO MONTHS!  I really never thought this day was coming about two years ago.  I was going crazy with anticipation and longing and now it’s so close…this makes me so happy.  I can’t wait to see all the people I haven’t seen in for-stinking-ever that day.  I really want to make it my goal to visit with ALL of our guests at the reception.  I really hate when I go to weddings and feel like I’m not an important guest.  Maybe this is too lofty of a goal, but I’m at least going to try.  And for those of you out there reading this, if I don’t make it to you that day, before you leave please come grab me because I DESPERATELY want to love on you for being there that day…and I want you to know you are IMPORTANT to me. 

 

In addition to getting married, Craig and I both received job offers in the same day!  I was promoted to sales engineer over the underground mining industry and Craig was given a job with Kroger, that he has loved working for as an intern.  And the best news is that even though we have to stay in cold, smelly, not fun Lafayette for at least until December, his job seems to be very ok with transferring him pretty well wherever, so when I do inevitably move he will hopefully get to stay with that company.

 

It’s hard for me to revel in all of this good news however, because when I look around me I see so much anxiety over jobs and the current state of the economy that I feel quite bad for my excitement.  The same week I received my promotion, a handful of people I had just met at one of our customers were laid off.  It’s really pretty sobering.

 

But, I decided to share because something I’m not good at is allowing others to celebrate with me.  I know that one of the functions of the church body is to celebrate with one another just as much as it is meant to mourn with one another.  But sometime I think we spend a little too much time in the mourning and not enough in the celebrating.  So, there you go!  I wish shalom to you all, whether it be in mourning or celebration.