“I’m Mister Cellophane” March 19, 2008

For those of you who don’t know this about me, I am a very needy person.  Not really needy emotionally (at least I don’t think I am any more than most women are) but I need people that are important to me to spend a lot of quality time with me and pay lots of attention to me.  I’d like to think instead of being “needy” it’s just that “quality time” is an important love language to me, but if you ask Craig he’ll probably just tell you I’m needy.

I’m not like this with everyone; mostly just with Craig and a few select others.  For the most part, I’ve never been one to have many close friends.

I say that for one point only…I don’t like taking second place in the “time” department.  I want to be the highest priority in his life, and I want all others to know and sense that, and I want no one and nothing else to even come close to being as high of a priority for him as I am.  Call me possessive or controlling, but I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with this guy and I need to know that I come first, above all others, because friends will move and change and ball games will be won and lost, but the covenant we’ll be making here in the next couple of years with one another is from now until death do us part, and I don’t think me being top priority is too much to ask when I’m willing to make that sort of commitment.  (Two notes of relief here: I don’t chain him up in the basement…he has plenty of friends and gets to spend plenty of time apart from me doing other activities…and I also in no way am asking to be above God in his life, I’m just assuming that goes without saying…)

And it’s through my “neediness” that I start to understand on a deeper level the desire God has for us to spend time with Him.  I love Craig, and the reason I want to spend time with him is because I love when we are in each other’s presence.  Even if it’s just sitting watching Scrubs together, that quality time spent with him leaves me feeling loved and unforgotten.  I can’t imagine the heartache we cause our Father when we neglect spending time with Him.  I know I do; I don’t open my Bible enough, I pass through nature and overlook the things He’s showing me with His creation, I forget to stop and pray, and boy do I ever have a hard time “being still and knowing.”

How upsetting it must become when you are the maker and sustainer of all life and your creation ignores you to indulge in things you planned for them to enjoy with your love in mind.  That’s almost like if I bought Craig two tickets to an amusement park for his birthday and he chose to take Kyle instead of me.  Wow…I need to stop neglecting God because even the idea of that scenario infuriates me a little.  Luckily He’s probably a little more patient toward me than I am toward Craig.

“Life’s not fair. Get used to it. (?)” March 18, 2008

By show of hands, how many of you have heard this phrase at least once in your life?  (Haha…I wonder how many of you are actually sitting at your computer screen with your hand raised…I know I would be.)  “Life’s not fair, get used to it,” just happens to be one of my parent’s favorite things to say and I admit that I heard it at least 50 times over the course of my childhood/ teenage years. 

I’ve always been very upset by injustice…or, things not being “fair.”  Unfortunately, because I am human, I’ve always been far more upset by injustice done to me rather than injustice done to others.  And callously I have slowly accepted the fact that life isn’t fair.  For me, or for anyone else.

But now I’m realizing what’s wrong with the above.  My parents are very correct; life isn’t fair.  But the sad thing about my feelings toward this unfairness is that I’m rather bitter about it.  It’s become a statement I make to others and to myself with a tongue that cuts; frustration and anger well up inside of me when I hear it in my own head directed toward myself…and perverse joy has welled up in me the few times I’ve decided it would be appropriate for me to say it to someone else.

Who am I to be upset over my life not being fair, when I’m not fair to my Creator on a daily basis?  I am sinful; I rely on myself to solve my problems and I look to the world to give me wisdom, all the while the Father is standing with His arms wide open saying “come; I have already undone the injustice and provided for you a place in My presence.”  And how lacking I am in my spirit of submission when I let others determine my mood and disposition, instead of forgiving, loving, and living by the Spirit of comfort?

And why would I use my words and callousness to cut down others and tear hope away from them?  Christ came to restore, to renew, to provide fairness to those that had none.  He chose the poor to minister to, the sick, the widows, the children because they needed a protector and they needed someone to give them hope.  Yes, life isn’t fair, Satan makes sure of that.  But isn’t it our job as the Body to find ways to undo injustice and provide others with the healing of Christ?  I’ve become so caught up in a world of greed and a “pull yourself up by the boot straps” theology that I’ve forgotten it’s my job to look out for the meek, the poor in spirit, the hurting, and the hungry. 

I keep hearing things of the nature that I will someday grow out of my idealism and desire for tenderheartedness.  Does this have to happen?  Is it inevitable that I will forget someday the things I have written above and embrace the idea that life isn’t fair?  I hope not.

“You may say I’m a dreamer.  But I’m not the only one.  I hope someday you’ll join us.  And the world will live as one.”

Oh the irony of those lyrics.

I actually updated! Can you believe it? March 17, 2008

I haven’t been around for awhile, and I have missed blogging.  And now I’m going to jump right in to what’s been on my mind here recently….

 

I’m not embarrassed that I’m a Christian, or that I read my Bible, or that I go to church, or that I spend time with Christian friends in conversation about our walks with the Messiah…or any other reason.  I am not ashamed of the Gospel.

 

I am embarrassed however, or perhaps scared is the correct word, to be considered a “religious fanatic” or be associated with the “intolerant religious right.”  Whatever you may hear it called.

 

Because it’s not a RELIGION.  It’s a relationship.  And it burns me up a little inside to think that outwardly my walk with Christ might look like religious intolerance or fanaticism to some of my co-workers because of the way that Christianity has behaved for the past few hundred or so years.  And it also shames me that I’ve been part of that in any way. 

 

I don’t want to pull punches here; I just want to get it out on the table.  It’s hard to be called a Christian and for others to not immediately associate you with a group of people that hate homosexuals, blow up abortion clinics, and believe that America is the only nation allowed to be blessed by the Lord just because we have “In God We Trust” on our currency.  And I can’t say I blame them for thinking that way about Christians, because I know a lot of Christians that believe the word Muslim is synonymous with terrorist.  And that’s a shame.  (I just want to now point out that I am more than likely being tracked by the government after making that comment.)

 

So where are we?  What do we do?  Where have we been and where are we headed?  And if where we’re headed isn’t where we need to be headed, how to we change directions?  What needs to be done?  How are you helping change the reputation of Christ in the world today (or maybe not His, but those of us that are following Him)?  I want specifics, I want comments, and I want wisdom imparted on me and everyone else that reads this blog.  How are we going to turn this world upside down for Christ?  How can the Gospel be played out in our world today; what are the world’s needs?  If we don’t have a plan yet, don’t you think we need to be developing one?